you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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