Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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