At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
