During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
