I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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