"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
