When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
