Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The uberlube is also flammable
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
