Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
