Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
