Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
