No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
