just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
