3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
