On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
