Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
How's work?
Spinning.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
