During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
you inspire me to be a worse person
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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