I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
