At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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