So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
