just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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