Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
i believe in u and ur pee
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
