do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
