I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
