hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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