thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
