i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
