Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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