It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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