True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
