So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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