So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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