K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
