the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
