Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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