she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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