I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I AM VODKA MAN
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
