I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
