So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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