somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
