it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
