do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
