Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
