Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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