Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
