Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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