Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
