He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
