remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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