I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
